Bethany’s 100wc – week 20.
February 13, 2012
It wasn’t my fault.
I get the blame for everything. I can prove this by telling you that one day, my mum was baking a cake for dessert. I watched her make it I couldn’t take my eyes of it, it looked edible! Suddenly her phone started ringing she raced across the room to answer it, ” And remember Tommy DONT TOUCH THE CAKE! ” She went out of the room and a second later my sister trudged in with a sly look on her face. She wiped her finger through the cake and licked it as slow as ever. Immediately mum walked in the room! ”TOMMYYYYY! ” she roared.
” I’VE TOLD YOU BEFORE, IT WASN’T MY FAULT! ”
5 Comments
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i like this one especially when you said edible!
Hi Bethany,
My name is Chelsea I liked the bit when mum walked in and shouted at Tommy.
Was that a true story?
Hello, Bethany.
Oh, yes, Bethany, the temptation of a freshly made cake can be very enticing. This is a very good story and uses the prompt well. I like the inclusion of speech in your story. It allows the reader to have a better understanding of the feelings of characters.
I particularly liked the sentence, “She went out of the room and a second later my sister trudged in with a sly look on her face.”
Instead of saying “my sister walked in” you added an adverb to give the reader a better idea of how she walked in.
I hope you keep entering the 100WC.
@RossMannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher, NSW, Australia
A fantastic first go at the 100WC Bethany! I wonder if the sister in the story is anything like your own sister??
OMG this is soo good! Well done!